Holding on to Nothing
by This Is My Escape
Summary: "Yeah, I know I said I'd let her go, but plot twist – I lied. That was before I knew I could get her back." Based off of 6x07's DE rain scene. Rated M for language.


**AN: This was based off the final scene of Damon remembering back to the night where he and Elena kissed in the rain. And then the muse sort of took off. I hope all who read, enjoy. ~Kate**

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><p>"<em>Holding on to nothing's easier than letting go,<br>Stuck in the memories of what has been..."_

I'm clinging Bonnie's damn bear so tightly to my chest I'm surprised it's still in one piece.

If you would have told me five years ago that I would be happy, that me and baby bro were on decent terms, that I'd have a best friend who likes bourbon as much as I do or that I would find someone who loves me not because of my faults but in spite of them, I would have said that either they were off their fucking rocker or had a little too much of Mr. Swagg's finest.

Now, if you would have told me six months ago that all of it was going to disappear like a goddamn parlor trick, I would have done everything in my power to guarantee it didn't happen. I would have done everything in my power to guarantee I engrained every single moment into my memory when it finally did.

I get why she did what she did. It really fucking sucks that she did what she did, but I get it. I do. I felt that same pain she felt while we were apart. She wants to remember us, but I'm still not sure if her wanting that makes it hurt worse, or better because wanting means hope is raising and that's always been a bitch in my life.

That rainy night on the dock when she made me promise her forever….if you would have told me that would have been one of the last moments we were truly happy with not a goddamn care in the world before everything went to shit, I'd have stolen her away and nobody would have seen or heard from us again. Nothing would have touched us.

Funny thing is I didn't even want to be out there that night.

"Stars are out every night," I grumbled while following her, "we've literally got an _eternity_ to watch more meteor showers…on a night when it _isn't_ raining cats and dogs."

"But _this_ night will never happen again." She'd given me a small smirk. "And just because there's thunder, doesn't mean it'll rain. Besides, it could be far off anyway." Taking my hand as she tugged me onto those old wooden planks, we'd both turned our eyes to the stars. She'd already been in a freakishly good mood the entire night, and when the first drops hit us both, her eyes lit up like Christmas trees. And then the sky opened up, and she laughed.

There was nothing I loved more than seeing that girl happy. There still isn't.

"Come on," I told her, unable to wipe the idiotic grin from my face, "time to abandon ship."

"N-n-no, just give it a second," she begged with a smile that nearly knocked me on my ass. "It'll clear up."

But it didn't. Nope, it got worse, we got wet, but I didn't care. And with that look on her face and that genuine love in her eyes, I couldn't hold back anymore. I took our joined hands, raised her other and pulled them to my chest, catching her mouth with mine.

Okay, so I lied. There's nothing I love more than _kissing_ her.

Our lips were slick with rain, but the friction only grew as I pulled her closer. When we pulled away, her megawatt smile never dimming, she took me out at the knees and with eyes I couldn't tell were wet with the rain or her tears, she said, "Promise me that this is forever."

Grinning idiot turned total jackass I'd instantly acquiesced. "I promise."

Soaked to the bone, she never lost that smile and even though it _was_ cold and muddy, we didn't leave. We stayed because we couldn't get sick and we kissed in the rain and under those damn stars that were more beautiful than in the hundred thousand nights I've seen them.

All I've ever wanted for Elena is for her to be happy and for a while that meant being with me. I was lucky to have even that time with her and yeah, I talk like she's dead but that's because in a way, she is. _My _girl is dead. She's someone else's, and that son-of-a-bitch better realize what he's got. Her love for me has said adios and in its place is a girl who remembers that I killed her brother and nothing of everything else I've done to try to redeem myself.

I brought her onto that dance floor tonight, trying my damnedest to jog her memories of us, enjoying the feeling of her being in my arms when I never thought I'd get another chance to. When she finally started to relax and let me try to help her remember, I saw bits and pieces of that girl – my girl – come back. Certain phrases had her smiling but her fear got the better of her and she pulled away.

And then she grew desperate and wanted me to bring her to the last place she told me she loved me, and I really thought that would be the moment everything went back to normal. Normalcy is rare for a vampire. You're constantly moving because people start to catch on that you're not wrinkling or greying with them and then you're outliving them all and times are changing and you're adjusting…but with Elena, I was content to not only live for a few more decades, but forever. If I had her, eternity would be a piece of cake. Now I don't have her and eternity no longer looks like a cake walk.

I meant what I said when I'd rather live in agony than ever erase the memory of her. I'll survive, I've managed to survive death not once, but twice. I can survive a broken heart, I've survived that too. Did it before, can do it again. It'll suck – it already does – but time heals and all that crap, right?

Something crinkles against me when I shift a bit. I pull the bear away from my chest and…there's something that looks like it's not supposed to be there sticking out of its side so I grab it and carefully slide it out of Miss Cuddles…looks like it's not just shoddy craftsmanship after all. There's a note and it's all chicken scratch, but maybe Little Witch was in a hurry.

"_Kai tried crossing us over again._" Ah, shit. "_Was able to get away for him, but he'll find me soon. Stripped my magic before he could use me to do it. Transferred"_

I flip the note over. Nothing. Back. Still nothing. Transferred? You couldn't have finished writing _one_ more word, Bon? Transferred _what_? Your magic? That's…

I look from the bear back to the note and then right back to Miss Cuddles because…oh, no _fucking_ way. _No. _If she put her magic in this toy then she's officially stuck over there. Fuck!

I release my grip on Miss Cuddles' neck when I feel a stitch pop. Look down and she's okay, which is good since I've literally got Bonnie's magic in my hands. Maybe it's dormant, maybe not, but all it takes is a witch to harness it and I've got the perfect one in mind. I clutch Witchy's stuffed bear tighter to my chest, still clinging onto the hope that while she's not here, she's still alive and if Elena can't get back her memories of us, then maybe she can get her best friend back. I can't make her remember but I can try to bring Bonnie back. And, hell, maybe that magic can even bring my girl's memories back.

Yeah, I know I said I'd let her go, but _plot twist – _I lied. That was before I knew I could get her back.

I take my phone out of my pocket and text Ric:

**To Ric: Bonnie's bear has her magic inside of it. We can get her back + Elena's memories too. Get you and sexy witch doctor over to the Boarding House. Now.**

**From Ric: Jo doesn't practice, Damon.**

**To Ric: Make her. You OWE me.**

What witch doesn't practice magic? The only one I knew couldn't, for a time, because it had been a punishment. And if Ric can get Jo to help me, then it'll get him off my list of people I'm debating killing and back onto my small list of people I want to stay not dead.

Not two minutes later, he tells me he's on his way. Atta, boy.

They show up twenty minutes later looking all sorts of confused and Jo is glaring her beady little eyes at me. "What's got your panties in a twist?"

"I don't practice, Damon."

"Funny. Ric said that exact same thing." I shoot him a smirk before turning back to her and adding, "I know you and I don't know each other very well so I'm going to give you a quick synopsis about me. People I care about are counting on me. If I care about 'em enough, I do what it takes to help 'em. One sacrificed herself for me and the other wiped her hard drive to keep herself sane. _Both_ need my help whether or not they realize it, and the way to do that, is with this." I toss her the bear, and the second she catches it her chest heaves and her eyes shut.

"Where did you get this?" Jo asks breathless once her body relaxes, her fingers running along the toy's cheek.

My jaw tightens. "A friend."

"This is a lot of magic, Damon."

"Good. They need a lot of help."

"I don't know what you want me to do, but –"

"Easy. Need you to lock into that magic, perform some witchy-woo spell that will get a Bennett Witch the hell out of…hell, and get Elena's memories back in the process."

Her brows duck together and Ric steps closer to her side, slipping his fingers in between hers. Gag reflex activated. "I haven't practiced in years. I don't practice."

"So practice," I snap, and then I see my bestie shift in front of her like he's her guard dog. I scrub my hand over my face, raking my hand through my hair and then look at the stuffed animal. "Look, Dr. Witch, that thing is the only hope my girl and her best friend has at getting their lives back."

Ric relaxes and then looks at her. "Is there any way you can do it?"

"Yeah," I answer for her. "By using the damn bear."

"You can get your magic back, right?"

Hang on.

What.

"You don't have magic? Thought you said you were a witch."

"You can be a non-practicing witch, for the hundredth time." Jo's eyes are narrowing. "Yes, Damon, I can get it back, but it's not going to be that simple…or pleasant," she mumbles under her breath. Ric frowns, clearly not hearing her like he would have if he was still a vampire, and asks her to repeat herself. "It won't be pleasant," she says again, raising her eyes to his.

"What do you mean?"

"It means the process of regaining transferred magic is painful. It's a punishment for displacing it in the first place."

"What kind of pain we talking, Doc? Is it fatal?"

Can't get the ladies back if she's too dead to do it.

"No, it isn't fatal but it wasn't comfortable getting rid of it so I can't imagine getting it back is. Magic is never easy and it always comes at a price."

I shrug. "Worth it."

"Damon!" Ric snarls. "I know you want them back, I do too but if there's a life on the line then we need to press pause."

Pause. Really? My life has been stuck on pause for the last few months. Screw pause, screw play. "No, I think it's time to hit fast-forward. You _owe _me, remember?"

"Right. But I'm not putting Jo in danger." He leaves the witch's side and stands toe to toe with me, and I'll admit it, he's got balls - especially now that he's lost the ability to wake up after a good ole fashion neck-snapping. Bastard has always been brave but right now he's towing the line between very brave and very stupid. He lowers his voice and says, "I'll talk to her, I swear to you I will. But you've gotta do your part and promise to lay off. If she's going to do this for you then you'll owe _her_. Big time. She relocated her magic for a reason and it's a big one so you need to listen to me when I say to back the hell off and give her time to think it through. Got it?"

I hate pause. I hate it. Damn button needs to burn in whatever hell Bennett's still stuck in. "Yeah," I grunt. "I got it."

"Good." He turns around, takes Jo's hand in his and squeezes it before speaking to her, in a tone a helluva gentler tone than he used with me. Jackass. "I understand what it's like to be forced into doing…_being_ something you don't want to be." There's a sniffle and I'm guessing Dr. Witch is either scared, pissed, or both.

I get it.

Just don't care.

"Elena's like a daughter to me," he says and my ears perk at that revelation. "She's a girl that doesn't remember a part of her life. There's another who is fighting to stay alive. Both are trapped and –"

"You don't have to convince me," Jo says with a shaky voice, staring down at Miss Cuddles and stroking its head before looking over Ric's shoulder and straight at me.

I nearly sob when she says another six words.

Six fucking glorious words that'll ensure I get my girl and her best friend back.

"I'll do it. I'll help you."

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><p><strong>AN: Thanks so much for reading, &amp; please review! ~Kate<strong>


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